Resolving Conflicts With an Aging Parent Starts With These Simple Steps

Do you wake up every day wondering what kind of conflicts you are likely to fall into with your aging parent today? If every day seems fraught with conversations that leave you feeling frustrated, maybe it’s time for you to try something new! Help both of you break out of the rut you’re caught in with these expert communication tips for resolving conflicts with an aging parent:

• Use “we” rather than “you”: Statements that begin with “You need to…” or “You should…” can feel accusatory, even when your intentions are good. Instead, use inclusive language that emphasizes teamwork. Saying, “We can figure this out together,” or “Let’s find a way to make things easier for both of us,” can make the conversation feel less like an attack and more like a partnership.
• Focus on empathy: Before diving into the “what” of the disagreement, make an effort to understand the “why” behind it. Are they feeling scared, embarrassed, or overwhelmed? For example, declining physical abilities or needing help can feel like a loss of independence. Starting with empathy (“I’m sure this must feel frustrating for you”) can soften their defenses and show you’re on their side, not against them.
• Offer options: No one likes feeling forced into a decision. Whenever possible, present options instead of ultimatums. For example, rather than saying, “You have to get help around the house,” try, “Would you prefer someone to come several hours a week or just for certain chores?” This approach gives them a feeling of control while still addressing the problem.
• Use positive reinforcement: Even the smallest victories are worth celebrating. If they agree to try a new safety device or accept help for the first time, acknowledge their openness and thank them. Positive reinforcement can encourage more flexibility later on.
• Be ready to listen: Sometimes, what appears to be stubbornness is really a plea to be heard. Ask open-ended questions like, “What’s been worrying you most lately?” or “How do you feel about this idea?” Then, really listen to their answers. Offering them space to express their thoughts and fears could make them more open to hearing yours.
• Stay calm, even if it is hard: Discussions can quickly escalate if frustration bubbles over. If your parent becomes angry or defensive, resist the urge to match their tone. Stay calm and patient, even if it means stopping and revisiting the conversation later. Your steady temperament can help de-escalate tension and keep the discussion productive.
• Concentrate on their goals: Your parent might resist your suggestions when they feel like they’re losing control over their life. Instead of framing the conversation around what you think is best, focus on what’s important to them. For instance, if they love their garden but find it hard to maintain it, you might say, “I know how much you love gardening. Let’s find a way to keep it manageable so you can keep doing what you love.”
• Bring in trusted voices: If the topic is particularly sensitive, consider involving someone your parent respects, like a health care provider, pastor, or trusted family friend. Hearing advice from someone other than you can sometimes make it easier to allow them to process and accept.
• Choose the right moment: Timing matters. Instead of springing a sensitive topic on them during a stressful or busy moment, choose a time when both of you are relaxed and calm. A quiet afternoon over coffee or a relaxed evening can set the tone for a more constructive discussion.

How Home Care Can Help

A caregiver from Responsive Home Care quickly becomes a dependable companion for an older adult. This enables you to step back from caregiving responsibilities and get back to enjoying quality time with your parent. We are very happy to serve seniors throughout Fort Lauderdale, Davie, Weston, and throughout Broward County. Give us a call at 954-486-6440 for a free in-home consultation, any time.